The past week has been rough, but things are looking up.
I know I smile and laugh a lot and for that reason, everyone thinks I can handle anything. But honestly, I’m human too. Please remember that, thanks. I have feelings and emotions too.
FTC is in 8 days. Months of hard work for just this one weekend. I love my committee :’)
Throughout this process, I feel like I fucked up countless of times, but it’s good to be reminded that everything is going to be okay and the work is being taken notice of.
I just need some “me” time after all of this is over. If it’s not school and classes, it’s homework. If it’s not work, it’s meetings. If it’s not organizing, it’s replying to countless emails that ask about the most irrelevant things sometimes. CAN’T YOU JUST TAKE SOME TIME TO READ FIRST BEFORE ASKING!? Things are written in complete details for a reason. After a long day, I just want to sit and relax, but I know there’s things that needs to be taken care of.
It’s because I care about this program a lot.
Is it weird that I just want a break to study? No, not party. No, not go out and play but simply study. I WANT TO LEARN. I feel like I’ve been so distracted in all of this mumbo jumbo that I haven’t been able to fully focus on what’s at hand.
Like, you don’t actually love them and you know you don’t, but you know you could. You realise that you could easily fall in love with them. It’s almost like the bud of a flower, ready to blossom but it’s just not quite there yet. And you like them a lot, you really do. You think about them often, but you don’t love them. You could, though. You know you could.”—W.J. (via lexophil)
Surprising my parents at home last weekend was probably the biggest highlight thus far. It made me extremely happy and was probably one of the most amazing feelings ever when my parents were in disbelief. TOO CUTEEE. I’ve been so caught up with school, work, FTC, LIFE, and everything else that it’s been hard to find time to even call home or have the energy to think about these things. I’m trying though, really.
I’ve been MIA to many people and I feel like I’ve been a bad friend lately with all of this craziness. I’m sorry. :( Trying to make time to simply catch up with everyone, but the amount of hours in a day is so short ahh.
My sleeping schedule is just awful. I’ve been sleeping around 4-5am and waking up at 8am even with out an alarm. My body is just used to it. ..which isn’t quite good. Endless, sleepless nights WOOO!
FTC IS IN 22 DAYS. I’ve been living, breathing, thinking, EVERTHING’ING FTC. Literally. I check my email about every half an hour to see if there are any emails that relate to FTC whether it’s from my committee, or others having questions. It’s an obsession! WHA. FTC….
In-person committee meeting this weekend, yay!
ZEDD TOMORROW OMG. I’m excited. It’s going to be a getaway and a little break for myself to enjoy myself for a bit and erase all of the stress.
Midterms on midterms on midterms. What. is. life.
Ahhh I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel, lol. Merpepepe.
Thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life and all of the memories thus far. <3
Asides from being stressed out here and there to some little ups and downs, I’m truly happy. I’ve been super duper happy inside lately and it feels amazing. :) I don’t know, I’M JUST HAPPY! Even though I have so much on my plate right now. Life is amazing if you just move forward, think positive, and strive for the very best hehe. The end.
Time to go do a sh*tload of homework! And I have graduation photos tomorrow.. it’s a bittersweet feeling. I originally didn’t want to take them since well, I hate taking these type of studio photos haha. But to make my parents happy, why not.
This is an issue in higher education. Students are trained to privilege thinking — being logical — about what they are learning before they are taught to love whatever it is they are learning. I understand how important it is to prove that you are learning, because it is only through empirical evidence that funding for universities is allocated. But as a result, there is little emphasis on creativity, playtime or how to be expressive in ways that don’t involve a test or a 12-page research paper.
The first and final contact students have with most things they learn in college is with their minds, and not their hearts. Thus, students have a hard time integrating highly intellectual but still approachable ideas into their everyday lives.
I feel a lot of emotions. Maybe too many. UGHH. Tired, exhausted, frustrated with myself, sad, emotional, stressed, bottled up. Yet extremely thankful. Thankful for the wonderful people that surround me, for reminding me that I’m human, for being that shoulder to cry on when I just feel the need to, for being there. I appreciate it, a lot.
There’s times when you just need to cry and let it all out cause you’ll feel better in the end.
FTC is in 52 days.
Deep breath, relax. Sometimes I just need to step back and take a break.
My laptop…. broke down. Pray to the all the gods of the world. Please let it be healed. This is a critical time and my laptop basically equals to my life. From FTC, to Outreach, to school, yeaaah. It’s frustrating.
After feeling alsdfkjsakdljf about my laptop, I rushed out of my apartment where my phone slipped and fell right onto the screen which cracked it big time.
As I was sitting outside talking and catching up with an old high school friend tonight, I couldn’t comprehend how all these people had the energy to go out tonight. ALL I WANNA DO IS BE A GRANDMA. And here I am, a grandma at home ever since 11:30.
RUSH IS FINALLY OVER!! Good lordness, sweet jeebus. Things can finally tone down just a bit. Sorta…. Thankful for those few. <3 :)
I got paid today! Money in da baaaank tehehehe. Even though I didn’t work much last month!
I tried a ramen burger today. It was good and quite the experience!
I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes opened. WEEEEE.
I CRACKED MY LAPTOP SCREEN AT THE BOTTOM TO SIDE MIDDLE ISH FUHH. I was being dumb. Tired Tina put a pen on her laptop between the middle bind and well.. it cracked my screen. I got really sad and frustrated for a second. But I remembered I have 3 years of warranty soOo it’s not that bad. :) Good morning to me! I’m gonna have this cracked screen until winter break though.. cause I need my laptop way too much in order to have time to give it away to be fixed. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
I’m extremely exhausted. First week of school has been too crazy and I just want just a day or even a few hours to simply have Tina time to relax, sleep, and not have to worry about anything in the world. But I can’t. Because I just continue to think of everything else ahead of me and others that are in need of something before I can even take that amount of time. But… my bundle of cuteness came to visit for a week though! <3 :) WEEEWOOHOO. Fwends 5evaz. It made it an even more of a crazy week, but it was all worth it.
My back aches, I’m starting to cough and my throat is starting to hurt which is a sign of getting sick. My nose is so stuffy! LOL I’m being annoying….. I know. But I don’t care. #tinacomplainingtime. Deal with me. Ughhh. :(
I already have a reflection due tomorrow and another homework assignment and it’s barely the first week.. wtheo?! WHAT THE EFFF, professor. Hello to Berkeley once again, I guess. JUST KIDDING, it’s all good. I’m just being.. alsdkfasdjf. Yes, I should be doing this instead of writing a post but I just need to let it out to focus and concentrate.
MY PROFESSOR FUCKED UP ON MY GRADE FOR SUMMER SESSION. And she’s taking forever to fix it which is making me aldsfjadsklfj cause I want my 4.0 for summer sesh merp.
Little things have been bothering me. But I think it’s because I’ve been stressed, tired, and crazy.
I like cones. That is all. :)
Oh yeah, and ice cream too. Like ice cream cones, ya know? Ice cream makes me happy.
I don’t know what I’m saying.. I don’t even know how I feel right now. I think LDSKDSJF just explains everything really well.
Thank you to everyone who continues to check up on me, make sure if I’m okay, and if I’ve eaten. It really means a lot to me cause I don’t always when I’m busy running around with everything.
I wish there were more hours in a day. So much to do, but so little time.
I miss my parents. Only being able to be home for a couple of days was really heartbreaking. And I’m still a little frustrated behind why I wasn’t able to stay home for a bit longer but what can I do right?
Because from time to time, there’s still that empty spot. I don’t know. It makes me a little bit sad no matter how much I may seem like I don’t care anymore. No matter how much I don’t want to, it just happens. Regrouping with everyone built on me cause we reminisced that it’s been about a year now and well, it’s true.
I’m just too picky… and I know it too. But is that wrong of me? After everything, it’s hard for me to easily trust anyone in that sense of matter and I don’t want to settle for less.
Just gotta remind myself that it’ll all be worth it in the end. For change, for those who aren’t as fortunate, for others. Can’t lose sight of my passions nor why I wanted this from the beginning.
Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe.
UGH TIRED OF SKOOOO. :( :( :( So done with writing papers. THEY’RE ENDLESS! I have two left, a 15-pager and a 2-pager rewrite. Tired tired tired. I feel like I’ve been writing papers after papers. Which is pretty much the reality of it… BUT UGH. I’m exhausted. Can I just sleep? I can’t remember the last time I got a well-rested night of sleep. DLKFJDSKLFJDKLF.
As I was on the phone with my mom today, she asked me if I was ready. Not ready for a test or ready to go to work or anything like that, but rather if I was emotionally prepared for the day when the time would come when my dad’s body would just shut out and stop fighting. The day when muscle dystrophy would take its full course action. For a long while, it was completely silent on both ends. Her question took me with utmost surprise. Honestly, how am I supposed to respond to that? How am I supposed to feel? Yes, I know the day is going to come and it’s going to happen, but prepared? How do you possibly prepare for something like that? I just don’t know. It makes my heart heavy.
Life. It’s a scary thing. But you just gotta face it. LSDKFKDLF I DONT KNOW. I’ve just been thinking a lot. Not intentionally, but my mind has just been running on and on and on. I don’t even know. That is all for now.